Current mood:	stressed
Current music:	country

It's finals week. I am so stressed, I cried in the shower tonight. I hate this feeling. Feeling like your not good enough, not pretty enough, not wild enough, it sucks. Lately i have been getting comments like, wow thats so un-karen like, or you wouldn't make-out with them anyways so why does it matter or you wouldn't like it. I hate these comments i dont get them, I have a 3.5 GPA, i am very active in my youth group, i am friends with everyone, i volunteer all the time in chico and at home, i like to think i am nice, i work out, i party, as we all know i flirt with boys, so i what makes people think they are better than me. I am not saying I am perfect (cause we all know my flaws) or better than others but i really don't get why getting drunk and making out with boys, or not going to classes, or smoking makes people better than me? I really don't understand that...cause I am pretty sure I could do all those things to, I just don't like too and dont feel i should have to, to feel accepted and part of my groups. We all know I have done wild things...epecially this year in chico, but I don't get why if I want to thats not ok? I don't look down on people for doing things i dont think are right, I still listen to the stories and problems and pray for all of you...
I am going to Italy next year...its for sure...well I applied and went to the meetings...so its pretty much for sure...i realized how excited I actually am the other day, I will get to be somebody different than everyone knows me as.. I will not be going with anyone and I can act how I want, meet knew people, see how christians in europe worship, go to bars, make-out with anyone i want and the only way people will know is if I choose to tell them.
These last couple weeks Sasha and I have gotten a lot closer. I love how we go to youth group together and church, but we also will drink together! I talk about boys and she gives me her opinion...even Nick is warming up to her which is nice...cause hes becoming a part of my life as a friend and i want us all to hang out... We have had so many talks lately about everything especially weight and me working out so much. I don't know, I have never really talked to people about that before....
Alot of my friends are seniors and they all go to the bars and are getting ready to graduate. I am jealous I think because I want to do that to! I want to have a boy, and go dancing at clubs...i am like a little girl when they tell their stories haha i just sit and listen with wide eyes haha
I miss home, i miss the baby, and friends, and my daddy and mom,
I am going on another ride along again with Glenn and his partner...I am really excited...haha maybe we will pick a hottie in a gang, ha that would surprise people me dating a gang member...knowing me i would be like lets go to counseling and dont get a gun haha
well i have biology final tomorrow that will be the death of me so thats it for now...sorry for rambling and if you read this all your my new best friend :)